anti-valentines poem

do you know I think of you?

i think of you when the lightening screams for me to stop

and the paint peels off my walls, I try too hard.

i think of you when the rain seeps in through the broken windows

and the wildfire hurricane shakes my bones.

i think of you when I walk on glass, cutting my feet on shards of hope

that only you can repair.

do you think of me?

when the spring sun rises and the winter moon falls,

when all the doors are slammed, the roof caves in and you feel so alone.

when the roads are clear, am I your get-away vehicle, am I the driver?

when you’re sat in silence, a mask covering the bottom half of your face,

do your eyes tell the truth, do you miss me?

do you know I dream of you?

because oh I do, I dream.

i dream that you are with me always, hand in hand,

arm in arm, limb in limb-we are inseparable.

and I dream that I am without you.

echoes of messages, an empty space on the bed,

false replies, allegations- it is insufferable.

it is insufferable to feel as though you are not real,

to feel as though you are air, a memory, a lie.

it is insufferable to not know,

not know how you feel, if you feel, why you feel.

it is insufferable to cry each day, each night, each evening

specifically around 5pm and 8pm.

is this a poem about loss? Love? Suffering?

do I wish for you to think of me? Dream of me?

do I wish for you to cry?

no, this is a poem of distance, distance from you

is insufferable, mourning your presence,

clasping pockets of love.

i wish for you to think of me,

but I pray to God that you

do not cry.