healing heart process// delayed by 3 months

I used to have someone like that. Someone I could share things with no matter how trivial or offensive or insane they were. I used to have someone I could trust with anything, any dark twisted thought, and controversial opinion. I loved them.

I used to have someone I could spend a weekend with, talking for hours and not talking for hours after that. I used to have someone who I never got sick of, who never got sick of me. I used to have someone who I could shamelessly spam, an angry evening rant, a philosophical afternoon ponder, an early morning hello. They loved me.

I used to have someone that I could plan future events with, birthdays, anniversaries, trips around the world. I used to have someone who I knew all about, who knew all about me from favourite colour to distant second cousin. I used to have the ultimate best friend. I fell in love with them. And they loved me.

Now I have nobody.

And the crater they left is smouldering like a bonfire, my mind is in automatic, there's no gear to shift- I have one mind and that mind is with them. And that crater burns, it sparks the fuse to ignite rage. But I am cold to touch, cold to speak, cold to know. A crater, a shell, an idea, a projection.

Now I have nobody.